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The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
Or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore.
Sometimes time doesn't heal
Just stand still while we fall
welcome

welcome to undecipherable-xiaojunn.blogspot.com! (click on the above lyrics to navigate!):D
LOVE ME or
HATE ME,
it's still an OBSESSION
(more?:D)

Friday, March 28, 2008, 23:10

GOTTA START STUDYING!

please listen to what I'm NOT saying.

Dont be fooled by me. Dont be fooled by the face I wear. For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off; and none of them are me.

I give the impression that I'm secure, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water's calm and I'm in command, and that I need no one. But dont believe me. Please.
My surface may seem smooth... beneath I dwell in confusion, in fear, in aloneness, but I hide this. I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed. That's why I frantically create a mood to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is my salvation. And I know it.

It's the only thing that can assure me of acceptance and love. I'm afraid that you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh. To laugh would kill me.

So, I play my game, with a facade of assurance without-- and a trembling child within. And so my life becomes a front. I only chatter to you in the suave surface tones... I tell you everything that's nothing, and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me. For when I go into my routine do not be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully to what I'm not saying.
I dislike the superficial, phony game I'm playing. I'd like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me. You've got to hold out your hand even when it seems to be the last thing I seem to want or need. Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very feeble wings.

I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator of the person that is me, if you choose to. But it will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach me the blinder I strike back. It is irrational, but despite what the books say about man, I am irrational. I fight the very things I cry out for. But I am told that love is stronger than walls, and therein lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls, but with gentle hands- for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. I am every man and woman you meet.
"quoted from CE passage :D "

♥ ;
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