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The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
Or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore.
Sometimes time doesn't heal
Just stand still while we fall
welcome

welcome to undecipherable-xiaojunn.blogspot.com! (click on the above lyrics to navigate!):D
LOVE ME or
HATE ME,
it's still an OBSESSION
(more?:D)

Tuesday, February 05, 2008, 22:40

HELLO;

yepp.
so Friday we went for the funeral.
I gave my testimony for her.
It was weird.
I tried very hard to just not include any emotions or at least not cry when delievering my speech.
therefore, I stared hard at the paper, as though reading from somewhere, and only looked up a couple of times.
I tried to not cry.
so I did the opposite, which was to smile, which wasnt really appropriate.
when I was delivering my speech, my knees were trembling, my voice too.
but I think no one sensed it.
I hid it well (:
after we sang and stuff, we looked at her body.
her sister shook my hand and said, "You've said your speech well."
that was a bit shocking yet comforting.

I looked at her.
Her face was pale. Grey. or was it black?
that was how sick she was.
She was smiling.
but her mouth was open.
they said she was gasping for air right before she left her body.
I couldnt stand it.
we went back to sit and I started crying.
Jasmine said we should go to the side.
we went.
and we started crying like we've never cried before.
we were practically wailing.
AZDS cried too.
and I saw.
It was the first time I've seen her cry.
and so terribly.
Everyone was sad.

Somehow, there's this feeling I subconsciously havent accepted or gotten used to the fact that she isnt around us physically or alive.
I feel immuned.

Saturday.
after community service, which was fun, boyfriend and I went out(:
we wanted to go shop.
but was too lazy.
so we stayed at AMK.
bought toast box, went to Jubilee, RAMEN CRAVING! (:
so we ate for 1 hour 40 minutes! O.O
felt like pigs.
and we were making out our shopping list(:
HAHA.
FUNNEH TIMES AT THE RAMEN TEN! (:
went popular and arcading a bit..
then HOME! (:

FANTASTIC NIGHT! (:

then Sunday.
after service, went for lunch in the rain and then for prayer meeting.
after that, we went for the cremation service.
lots of people.
went mandai.
it was sad.
we sang nicely for her.
XJLS, hope you heard us and liked it (:
hope you'll be proud of us(:
we miss you.
and then we see her get pushed into the incinerator.
it was a sad time.
her niece was wailing out loud.
many people cried.
lots of people went.
Jean broke down.
I knew she was trying to hold on for a very long time, trying to be strong.
but she cried.
I cried.
We cried.
It was painful.
when we were boarding the bus, her sis came up to me again.
her hands were cold.
then she said we sang really nice and she hopes to hear us again...


now, she really isnt at all physically present on earth.
ashes to ashes, dust to dust.


GOODBYE;
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