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The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
Or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore.
Sometimes time doesn't heal
Just stand still while we fall
welcome

welcome to undecipherable-xiaojunn.blogspot.com! (click on the above lyrics to navigate!):D
LOVE ME or
HATE ME,
it's still an OBSESSION
(more?:D)

Sunday, November 25, 2007, 11:43

I'M TIRED AND SICKK.
I will stop torturing myself thinking about him.
really.

I think I'm suicidal.
I'm tired of all the people around me,
who thinks they're not harming me.
but in actual fact,
they hurt me a lot without knowing.

I'm tired of bearing with so many people and things with I really can bear.
and I'm tired of appearing to be so happy and cheerful
when I'm really very depressed and suicidal.
I'm tired of being proactive
when I really wish to just sit, and wait.

but I cant.
and no one truly understands what's going on with me.
and no one really would come and consider my feelings.

I know too much.
I'm too sensitive.
but I cant help it too.
It is a trait being passed down.
I know people's body language.
I can read in between the lines.
I know peoples' mood by seeing their face.
even their eyes.
I can feel what people are actually feeling.
I can judge someone,
but I was told not to do so.
But I cant help it.
why?

I am breaking down this time.
I truly am.
I just want to go somewhere far far away and maybe never come back.

I know lots of people out there hate me.
I know it.
It's true too.
no matter how nice they try to be.
they can hold as many outings as they want not inviting some people.
but, they should start learning to have the common sense not to discuss it under the nose of those they have not invited.

Do you think I like this church?
i dont know about that.
It has been where I grew up.
With people I grew up with.
but I dont like the people.
I know yall keep saying that it's God you're worshipping and therefore the people dont matter.
but,
I cant help it.
I feel like leaving.
to where?
I have completely no idea.
really.

I really need some people to be always there with me
to stand by me.
but it's impossible.
to be always there for me.

I'm really tired.
I need someone to let me lean on him/her for a while.
to lie on their shoulders and cry my heart out.
I need huggs.

hey boyfriend.
thanks for being there for me.
thanks for trying to understand me.
and how I feel.
and what I'm going true.
you're a great company to have.
I LOVE YOU TOO.

hey sis.
thanks for being there for me too.
thru the late nights,
telling me how stupid I am to make myself sad.
and advising me that,
some things,
I dont really need to care.
and asking me to cheer up,
and just comforting me thru.
I LOVE YOU!
and we're looking forward to the 5th Dec arent we? (:


I'd rather be in a hospital.




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