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The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
Or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore.
Sometimes time doesn't heal
Just stand still while we fall
welcome

welcome to undecipherable-xiaojunn.blogspot.com! (click on the above lyrics to navigate!):D
LOVE ME or
HATE ME,
it's still an OBSESSION
(more?:D)

Friday, April 10, 2009, 14:45

hello for the 606th time.


I'm really tired.
Every single day, I feel stressed over school and studies.
And when it comes to weekend, I'm stressed over tf stuff.


And now, it's a long weekend.
Today was screwed cause it ends up that no one is going for the training today and I'm feeling really sorry towards AiLing. And there were many unhappiness and I'm feeling really really stressed now. By both things and people.

To a particular group of people.
Hey, I know it's pretty unpleasant to work with me, but bear with it for one year can?
I'm bossy, I'm bitchy about datelines, but don't you understand that I'm trying to get things done? You may say as much as you want that I'm the kind who just focus on getting things done and don't care about yall. But please reflect on how I have, time and time again, let yall do whatever yall want and be late and everything and giving me all your fucking attitudes.
It's really tiring to know that I'm the only one who bothers to move my ass and slog out while you guys aren't really taking any action. I'm sorry I'm generalising, & I know some of you do work.

Since you guys happily agreed upon the dateline during meetings, just meet it lahh. Don't make me chase and chase and give me some stupid excuse or procrastinate. (i.e. when asked to give me a new dateline when the previous one was a fortnight ago, the person told me to let him sleep over it and he hasn't replied up till now. Guess he is still sleeping ehh. And it gets really infuriating when it's the same person who during camp, in front of the daoshis, say that he appreciates you chasing them for datelines and now he's behaving like that. Ironic, isn't it? No wonder in my mind during camp I was thinking, "Oh. Is that so? Stop bullshitting lah.") During meetings yall behaved as if you're so heated up and so enthusiastic to get things done. And then after the meeting, you don't take any action.

Then I provide yall a suggestion to save your brain cells and ass for about three sessions and then you don't take the initiative and you ask me how are you suppose to know you're suppose to take the initiative?! Then when you don't go for the session that I recommended yall to go and you didn't make it, you tell me so much and you don't even sound enthusiastic in fact you sound like you're forced to go and you keep harping in your mum's face that I'm the one who asked you to go and you end up not going, so is it supposed to be my fault?! And then you say so much about #1. me not going as well and stating that it may be just a waste of time for me (my reason: It's cause I suggested it, it's suppose to be your programme therefore you should take the initiative & it's called initiative for a reason, and I won't even be going for the real thing!)#2. I brought it up, so I should be following through with it (LIKE HELLO?! I SUGGESTED IT TO SAVE YOUR ASS. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. I believe you can always come up with your own programme and I'm nice enough to go thru with the coordination for you.) And I believe that if you're responsible enough and enthusiastic enough, you should try to help take over everything I'm doing for you. Forget it lahh. I'm done with you.

And can some of you just reply my informative smses? I'm nice enough to spend my smses on yall when my bill is around 100 every month. And sometimes I really need your replies, no matter what time. Don't assume that if I don't receive your smses you can always tell me another time or something. Don't assume that I can read your mind about what your reply will be. It'd be much appreciated.

Seriously, looking back, we haven't done anything much these past four months. Tell me what you've done to have any bit of satisfaction from your achievement. Well, for me, I don't feel any bit of that. It's a far cry from how pleased I felt serving TF and God last year.

Is it because we're all not focused on God that's why we find interpersonal problems arising?
I don't know. I just know that it makes me tired serving to your wants instead of God's needs.
It's really difficult to contain my unwilling feelings. It hurts my health and gives me pain in my abdomen. Physical and mental pain.

& FYI, TF is not functioning well. Nope, not at all.

Hope everything will fall in nicely. But it's too high a hope.

So YES, it's Saturday soon.
DANG. I'll be busy again. I realised I have no time to sit down and really study during weekends! Seriously!
tomorrow, for example.
9.30am: Tuition. (I'm going to waste my time and Xin Ying jiejie's time again cause I haven't prepared anything to ask her!)
1.45pm: Violin lesson.
5pm: Chimes.
THE WHOLE NIGHT: GOSPEL EVENT.

Sunday...
Church the whole morning, meeting the whole afternoon.
I'll be drained by night time, so don't bother mentioning it.

DANG. It'll be a new week again.
Fourth week of term 2. Nearly half of term 2 will be gone.
=MYEs coming.
damn.

I'm really feeling very annoyed and bitter.
DAMN YOU.
-xoxo.
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